The 411

No matter what you are doing, or how busy you may appear to be, it is the standard belief of every child that what they have to tell you is the most important thing in the world, and you are to be wholly consumed by it (as they are). Some people never grow out of this five-year-old belief.

Artistic Expression

The highlight of water color is not painting, it's changing the color of the water.

Physical Fitness

As he hefts the straps (which are broader than his arms) over his shoulders, then proceeds to grab his biceps, one Kindergartner says to another, "My backpack pumps up my muscles."

Current Events

Each day we have "news" instead of "sharing." Today for news a Kindergartner shared that his dad broke his leg...when he was playing football in high school. We're still working on the relevance of time as it relates to what constitutes "news."

Multitasking

Kindergartners cannot work while talking, but their productivity increases if they sing while working. Those dwarfs were on to something with that whole "whistle while you work" bit. Or maybe it's just a little person thing.

I Am Thankful For...

We started journal writing. It is important to let the children do their own, best thinking so they can learn how to spell and learn on their own. This time we did "I am thankful for..." Here are some samples.

"I am thankful for erf (earth)."

"I am thankful for cesmes (Christmas)."

"I am thankful for my terl (turtle)."

Defying Natural Law

No matter how many crayons you pass out in a single day to each student at least one will end up with a color missing before the end of one project.

Squeeze Glue

The paradox of proper bottle-squeeze-to-object ratio when using Elmer's glue is something Kindergartners (and some adults) may never know.

Knowing Oneself

While he was standing in line to sign in I asked a student how he was doing today. He looked at me as though I had asked him to explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity and said, "I don't know."

Nutrition

As much as parents would like to think their children are the "good, clean" ones a substantial additive to a Kindergartner's diet is their boogers.

Internal Dissonanace

While passing out copies of a story we had just read a student took a paper from my hand and said, "My mom won't get me a dog." And then he walked away. No explanation. Completely unrelated to anything. Sometimes you just have to talk about what's bothering you.

Leaps in Logic

A Kindergartner can lose a crayon in under one second. A Kindergartner can lose a sharpened pencil in the trip back to the table. A Kindergartner's parents believe their child is incapable of losing homework.

News

Sharing any detail of one's life is a welcome invitation for anyone else to air the entire family's dirty laundry for all peers to here. There is no shame. There are no scruples. When in doubt, know this: your child's Kindergarten teacher knows just as much as you hope she doesn't.

A Lesson in Management

Boss your own body.

Bellwork

The ringing of the bell is merely a suggestion of a time frame for a work period.

Eyewitness Accounts

The difference between "telling" and "tattle telling" is whether or not the teller is the party at fault.

Zen

Rug-time is the time dedicated to putting fingers in any easily accessible--and some not-so accessible--orifices of the body.

Theory of Relativity

Teacher's version of "hurry" and Kindergartners' version of "hurry" are foreign to one another.

Discovery

Whenever a new object is introduced into the classroom all students must observe, touch, smell, and sometimes taste the new item to become familiar with it. Kindergartners are the masters of sensory learning. The only skill they need to work on is listening.

Warming Up Vocalizers

Any break in the day's routine is cause for fully-belted bursts into song.

Cupcake Glory

Refined sugar, n. fr-AWHS-ting

1. bribe,

2. nectar of life, 

3. root of all post-consumption misbehavior

Praise

The most profound compliment in the life of a child is how great an artist s/he is.

Birthday Cards

If a Kindergartner is making a birthday card for another individual the birthday card maker's name will appear more prominent than the receiver. It's all about artistic recognition.

Diversity

Diversity is who sits on the blue row and who sits on the red row.

Right, Left, or Both

My right hand and my teacher's right hand are not the same right hand when it comes to reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.

Distinguishing Details

Gender is relative."This is my Aunt. His name is Muffin."

Global Awareness

The biggest question of the life of a five-year-old: "Am I 'Star of the Day' today?"

Clothing: Optional

Staying dressed is like snatching a snake out of water--it takes a lot of skill and a lot of failed attempts.

Being a Good Friend

It is not being a good friend to hit the kid standing next to you in "the private."

Understanding Learning

This one was too priceless. "I don't like early out Wednesdays because we don't get to learn as much."

Space in Distance

Walking a half mile when you are five feels like ten miles, and it's impossible to keep the line from spreading to a city block.

Learning Curve on a Straight Line

Making random color patterns while staying inside the lines is harder than it looks.

Quality of Life

Naps always make everything better.

Matrimony & Procreation

I was told by a kindergartner, "You could still have kids. You have to get married. Just find a guy to ask you, then ask him if it's ok."